How to kill a fictional character (and take the one way route to hell)

How to kill a fictional character: (A guide for beginners)

Do you want to be evil? Do you want to make people cry? Do you bathe in the tears of your readers? Do you want to be John Green? If yes, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to the future of broken hearts. 

Let’s do some killing!


Step 1: Write a story.  Be it fanfics, novels or a meaningless drabble, the first thing you need to do is write. This is like laying out your territory. Even if the story seems all rainbows and laughter, don’t despair! The manliest of tears are shed this way.

Step 2: Develop characters. Make them with love. Add sugar and spice and everything nice according to serving proportions. Make them as loveable as possible. 

Step 3: Make the readers fall in love. Give your lovelies a dark past or the ability to smile through pain and make everyone happy. Give them lots of feelings, angst or otherwise. You can even make them a pure ball of fluff. Make the readers fall for them. Fast. Hard.

Step 4: Bring them to a happy place. Give them memories, laughter and dreams. Make them happy. Make the unapproachable one open up. Deliver tantalising tales of romantic conquests. Let your readers find joy which they lack in their own life, in the lives of your beloved characters.

Step 5: Kill them. (Ah, the step that we’d been waiting for). It’s a good death if the blow comes unexpectedly. It’s even better if their death is a sacrificial one. 

Note: Last words are important. Make them as hysterical-sobbing inducing as possible.

Step 6: Admire your handiwork. Feast upon the agony and terror reflected in the eyes of yours readers. Commit to memory how they turn each page with trembling fingers and glistening eyes. Soak it up. Enjoy it while you can. You’re going to hell later anyway.

Remember, some of the best stories are based on real life…

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